Yesterday I started reading a book of a woman’s musings in the morning. Little did I know it was actually her Morning Pages practice. It was one of those moments where I reacted with, “Dang it! Why don’t I listen to myself?!”
Earlier this year, after being introduced to Dean Wesley Smith’s method of writing, I too began questioning why my first words were not good enough to be seen by the public – at least as deemed by conventional wisdom. I went on this little journey of judging my own words to questioning what part of me is doing the writing. Is it my ego personality? Or is it my True Self? Then I started feeling bored with the whole ‘writing into the abyss’ practice.
True to form, my inner critic effectively derailed me from writing altogether. So the insistent impulse to blog went unmet.
But it’s back and I’ve been on the precipice of starting for at least a week. The idea of it still bored me. What do I write about?
Then a few days ago I discovered the book, “My Morning Musings” through my online library because of a different book on conscious writing for which I was looking. The woman has two volumes, actually. I’m thrilled to see someone else bucking the rules because the original rules of Morning Pages included the dictate that they should not be shared.
The author, though, who is sharing hers has an interesting theory that perhaps in the beginning the Pages practitioners were cleaning out a metaphysical collective consciousness type of pool, so perhaps nowadays this type of stream of consciousness writing contains less trash. The theory seems plausible to me. Perhaps, too, the privacy of it allowed people in the beginning to finally unburden themselves and become free of the ego mind’s grip on thinking processes.
Part of my journey included falling for the trap out there in the spiritual community of believing that thinking is bad. Enlightenment means ‘no thought,’ so why should I be aspiring to write words? That just seems too simplistic.
How do we lead a physical life without expression? Enlightened beings still need to bring their True Selves into the world through physical means. It’s why we are here. It’s another example of the ego mind hijacking spiritual principles and disguising itself with them.
If I remember correctly, the Morning Pages practice acts as an effective way to bypass the inner critic, which I think is just a literary term for the ego mind – or at least a big function of it.
In a similar vein, my Divine Masculine Stream of Consciousness helped me see my misperception of me believing that I was not being my True Self. I still thought I had not reached that or was not living from that.
Once again, my ego mind kept me diverted from the truth.
And then another piece of the journey involved learning more about my cognitive structure through Human Design. Mine is what they call Quad Right and that means my mind works through awareness and flow. And most importantly, I have to get my awareness out. I still haven’t learned why that’s so important, except that I see myself most clearly in expression.
So I guess reading another person’s Morning Pages – her act of publishing hers – has become my permission slip. I mean, it felt so grueling to engage in a daily task viewed by others as unworthy of being seen. That didn’t set right with me and I have not kept up with the practice. Why bother?
So we’ll see.
Is this how I finally free myself?
I sense there’s more to the story.
And do we not develop a self-fulfilling prophecy when we label a practice of creativity as one that produces trash – something unfit to be seen by others?
I refuse to believe that. And I won’t.
I’m looking forward to practicing freedom in this way. It may seem like a little thing, but the littlest drops of water can create ripples in a pool. This little act of freedom will ripple into the rest of my day and change the fabric of my reality. This is what I choose to believe.
That line of thought seems to coincide with my practice of Reality Phasing, which I’ve been considering starting up again. The impulse to resume doing that has become born out of a similar angst of what others are saying and how my attention and perception become hijacked by external influences.
I’m done with that. I refuse to accept a world less than what I want it to be. I refuse to accept the mirage as reality. I will let the Love of my Soul bloom in my life. Like I do the plants and seeds of my garden, I will nurture and provide the optimal environments for the seeds of Love within me to grow and bloom around me.
Those who do not care to see or experience that are free to leave. I will no longer be bound by other people’s negative views. I shake those shackles from me.
I choose to be Love and to be free.
Leave a Reply