Last night my sister and I got on a conversation on the phone about death and not knowing when the last time you will see a loved one.  She has a son who is a police officer, as well as her husband, so she lives with that possibility every day.  I pointed out, too, that there seems to be an assumption that older people will go first, but frequently that’s not the case.  We just don’t know when our last time is, usually. 

I think perhaps the more spiritually-perceptive may get a sense that they are approaching that day, but maybe if knowing also serves a purpose.  I had a friend email me recently and she asked if I had any more insight on the knowing that I woke up with during the summer about me not having much time left.  I haven’t been sure how to answer and I thought I would do another God Talk session on that subject.  I want to find the first session.  

I remember that when I asked what lie I believed about that subject, I heard, “That it’s the end.”  Did that mean the end of my life?  So, I’m not actually going to die?  Or did that mean the end of the world?  Whatever happens globally, I know that wouldn’t be true.  

I can’t remember the second part—the answer to, “What is true about that?”  I wrote it down somewhere.  The answer was a bit longer and I remember that I didn’t understand it, either.  I think I was still emotionally upset, so I didn’t pursue the questioning process.

Since then, what has felt true to me is that I had not completed my life mission and that was upsetting me more than anything.  I’m not afraid to die.  When the time comes, I’ll welcome it.  I know what’s on the other side, generally speaking.  

There are situations with a couple of people that I wished were resolved before I go.  My mother is one of them.  But she’s making her choice to behave toward me the way she is and I can’t force her to be in my life.  I’ve had to let her go so that I can live mine.

My daughter is the other one.  She is estranged from me.  However, I did hear from her in response to my email for her birthday.  It helped bring me peace.  If she’s happy, I’d rather she continue living her life the way it is now.  I can visit her from the other side to see how she’s doing.  So, really, if my time on the planet were to end tomorrow, I think I’d be ready.  

But as I searched out what I was supposed to be doing with my life, one insistent idea I had was blogging and then the other was the New World of Love (NWL) activation.  I’m doing both now – well, the blog part is coming slowly.  I still have some set-up tasks to do.  I have two blogposts from the Morning Blooms, but the Home page still needs completion.  Regardless, I’m doing the two things that I’ve been pulled toward strongly.  

So, I don’t know.  Is there more to know?  

There is a third avenue of action that has sort of been on the back burner waiting for me.  I don’t really want my time here to end without picking that up again.  This action is engaging in my Garden Home practice.  It is a non-physical place I go and spend time there engaging with my spiritual SoulMate and guide, Sanat, mostly, but I also have a Source Temple there where I can connect more strongly with Source Creator.  The newest installation is a Compassion Temple, which I haven’t yet explored much.

I’ve experienced many wonderful things there that include healing and Divine energies – so much Love!  I haven’t tapped into that resource of late all that much.  I definitely feel the beauty of my Soul there.  I feel so much more alive in that place.  I think being there I can perform more of my Soul Mission.

I know there is an obvious question.  Why haven’t I asked Sanat about this whole ‘not having much time left’?  I think I did – maybe?  I really need to pull my bullet journals from the summer and see where I may have recorded these things.  Regardless, I’m at a new place now internally on all of that.  

Maybe some better line of question would simply be to request what I need to know in order to live my day-to-day life.  In the end, that’s all that matters.  How am I using my LIfe Force in each moment?  Am I improving the quality of life for myself and those in my life?  What is my inner guidance showing me to do?  How can I be a conduit for Divine Love?

That last question reminds me of the Compassion Lightray.  I haven’t been giving attunements or openly sending transmissions.  I haven’t stepped into my role of Ambassador of Compassion.  But I have been more consistently establishing my Compassionate Presence around me so that I’m a walking transmitter of Compassion that transmutes  all that comes into my energy field into Love.  

I’m often alone, though, so in order for me to be of service I need to go out in public and walk among people.  I wan to take crochet projects to coffee shops and sit crocheting while having a drink.  Maybe my Compassionate Presence will do some good.  But I’ll follow my guidance for when and where to do that.

Maybe the whole ‘I don’t have much time left’ thing was meant to mobilize me into doing what I came to do.  So, I’m doing what most feels important until I’m shown something different.  I don’t have all of the answers.  I don’t know all of the interconnected and wide-spread implications of my actions or of why my life or anyone else’s life is the way it is.  Our conscious little selves don’t know these things, but we have access to the ones who do.  We can find out what we need to know.